djnavv

Sometimes a realization can shake you. It’s particularly irritating for me when I realize that I am at fault for what I might have been blaming others for. But this time it’s really shaking me, like holding me by the trunk and “shaking” me till all the leaves fall off.

I’ve been told more than once, and by more than one, that I am too much of a perfectionist. So much that I bore myself out of things. I start writing a novel and can’t go past the first chapter because I want every following chapter to be as good as the first one. Start writing a song, the first paragraph is all I have even after pages of lines.

When I was explaining to a friend that how, after some time, all relationships start turning into more of a morning-routine at a scout camp, I realized what I’m talking about here. All my relationships (more or less) have ended because I am too much of a perfectionist. Everything starts well, and I enjoy it. Then I get to know the other person too well and realize that they are humans, they have been moulded out of the same “defect-infected” grains as everyone else. And this is where I snap. Not tolerating “mistakes” in others is quite human I think. But in my case, not tolerating mistakes, without realizing why I termed them as “defects” is where I become quite the unique perfectionist. I take my excuses out of things I can’t explain.

But then again, if these work for her, then I have found the real excuse – why should I be with someone who can’t realise what dumb excuses I make. If these excuses don’t work for her, too bad – she could be in love.