So he’s finally off. Right now I would’ve been on my way to see him off, but it will not be so. It’s not a farewell … just a g’luk … who am I kidding, more of a … dare you have all the fun without me !! “Bitch guy”, you better leave some good stuff for me when I come there man.

Piyush - the “bitch guy” - he’s off to New York. For an year. On an internship. So you all know what he’s gonna be up to. I really don’t have the heart to write about it all. I hope he keeps updating us (on second thoughts, maybe it’s better if he doesn’t).

See you there bro

Me(making a statement): Summers …
Him: Ehh …. huh ??
Me(acknowledgement): Mmmm ….
Him(breaks the silence): Man, you know, all you do in summers … eat grapes and drink Tang.
Me: Huh … where did that come from ?
Me (wtf)

Him: Don’t you find it kinda ironical …
Me: Huh ?
Him: You want randomness, craziness … and look for stability in that ?
Me: Hmmmm .. yea … kinda ..
Him: Where is this going man ?
Me: I guess we’re too unpredictable for our own selves …

Me: Had you been a girl, you’d been my girlfriend and I would have dumped you long ago.
Him: wtf …

I would think I’d be tired, sleepy and eager to hit the bed at 2:30am - after 6 hours in the bus from Delhi to Chd, and 2 and a half hours in the plane from Bangalore to Delhi before that. I was actually, just until before I entered my room. I just came back, dumped my bags around the room and switched on “the internet”. But I had to write before I did anything else.

I’ve been out for quite some time, and I actually realized this in the bus about an hour back:

16th March - (Chd-Delhi-Mumbai-Daman ) - 17th March
19th March - (Daman-Mumbai-Delhi-Chd) - 20th March
23rd March - (Chd-Delhi-Mumbai) - 24th March
27th March - (Mumbai-Delhi-Chd) - 28th March
29th March - (Chd-Delhi-Bangalore) - 30th March
2nd April - (Bangalore-Delhi-Chd) - 3rd April

I’ve been out, but right now I feel like running away. I’ve been trying. Won’t mind if someone pulls me along this time. I need some time. Time doesn’t feel constant any more - it’s more sporadic. It comes to me in the bus, or on the plane. Or maybe, on my bike on the way to the office in the morning. It’s not because I’ve been travelling that I am complaining about time. It’s got more to do with where I see myself standing. I think I am at crossroads again.

The problem this time is, I can’t see clearly either way. I’m waiting for the fog to settle down, but I see it’s taking it’s own sweet time. I can’t make out what options I have to choose from. I don’t even know what is it that I might want to look forward to. I realise, I need some clarity in my mind to see through the fog outside. I think I might be feeling too weak. Or maybe, it’s just too much noise inside, that’s making me tired.

One thing, and I don’t know how it could be relevant at this juncture: I’m happy that I’ve managed to keep some people close to me after all these years, and I want to let you guys know that I’ll be holding on. I’ve realised, maybe after being reckless, that I need you guys and I’m willing to give in more to keep you close.

I don’t think this is the end of the post, but I need to gather my thoughts right now.